The Perfect Pairing Love and Boundaries

I am dropping in today to ensure you manifest your BEST wholeself week ever!

Welcome back for the third week of the month of LOVE! 

This week is all about boundaries. I must confess: I struggled with what subject to share this week. It was between "why men won't commit" and "boundaries" that choice became more apparent after a session with one of my wonderful clients who was beating herself up and filled with tears because she felt she betrayed herself by actions she allowed in a romantic connection. At the end of the day, it was all about boundaries. And as I told my client, Boundaries are HOT, here's why.

Dating, or any relationship without healthy personal boundaries, is like drinking poison and expecting it to be a cure. Dangerous, toxic, and ends with fatal results. 

The basic deets on boundaries.

1. Healthy personal boundaries equal taking responsibility for your actions and emotions and NOT taking responsibility for the actions and emotions of others. ( No, this is not selfish or narcissistic. However, they can protect you from one.)
2. They are like the invisible protectors of our emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. The rules of engagement are defined by what we're comfortable with, what we aren't, what we will and will not compromise on, and what we need from our partner to feel safe, secure, and loved.
3. Tied to your self-worth, confidence, and identity. 
4. Areas boundaries can apply to are physical, intellectual, emotional, sexual, material, and time. 

Can you see from the above how having healthy boundaries keeps us safe as we go out into the world to share our hearts?

Still, the problem is that many of us struggle with setting and sticking to them as we fear conflict, judgment, rejection, or lack proper communication skills. 

Further, some of us don't even realize we have issues with boundaries. It might look like this. 

• Do you ever feel like people take advantage of you or use your emotions for their gain?
• Do you often find yourself in a people-pleasing mode?
• Do you have difficulty saying no, even when your cup is running on empty?
• Do you ever "need" to save people close to you and always fix their problems?
• Do you find yourself far more invested or attracted to someone than you should be for how long you've known them?
• Does it feel like things are always heaven or hell in your relationships with no in-between? Or are you looping in the break-up/reunion pattern every few months?
• You proclaim how much you hate drama yet always seem stuck in the middle of it.

Truth time, did you answer "yes" to a few or almost all of the items above? You, my friend, are probably suffering a boundary problem in your relationships and maybe have some other personal issues going on in your life.

What are some of the basic steps you can take to start with on the boundaries front? Here are five tips to get you started. 

1. Set your boundaries GPS: What behaviors will you accept or not accept? What will you tolerate or not tolerate in your life? From your partner, toss in your family, friends, and colleagues for good measure. Stay calm if you have problems sticking to this; it will get easier as you practice.
2. Decide in advance what the consequences are if someone breaks one of your rules. I promise someone will test you! And it will be challenging when they do. The person, the context, and many other factors may bias you. So, decide from the beginning and stick to it.
3. Communicate the above clearly. It's okay for not every person you encounter to know, but it's not alright for your romantic partner to not know when they'd be crossing the line.
4. Follow through. When someone crosses your boundaries, do what you said you would. Be gentle yet firm.
5. You don't have to defend having boundaries. They are not there to tear down another or be cruel; they are in place to allow for expansion and growth within the relationship and avoid toxic energy.

There is so much more we could, and I would like to dive deeper into, but I fear that could go on for hours, so I will leave you with one final thought just in case you are worried or standing in fear about setting boundaries: A person with firm boundaries recognizes that a healthy relationship is not controlling each others emotions, but instead encouraging each other in their growth and path to self-actualization.

I know what I've shared with you will be SO valuable for you, but remember, if you want something - you have to get out there and MANIFEST YOUR WHOLESELF LIFE!

Until Next Week,

Annette Marie

P.S. From February 14th to February 29th, to celebrate the month of love, all one-hour coaching sessions will be gifted with my Self-Worth Energy, Clearing RTT coaching on the go course.